Chop Goblins

Steam Reviews

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• Recommended Posted February 8, 2026 on Steam The game is simple but fun. It's all about killing or getting killed. It's short, but considering its low price, it seems fair enough.
• Recommended Posted September 26, 2025 on Steam Playing on Goblin difficulty was a fun challenge. There are no saves and when you die you have to restart the level. I don't think you can quit and continue, I think you have to make it in one go. You'll be using every ammo and hp pickup you can find. Projectiles will hit you, there's no way around it. Achievements were a mix of level completion and a few secret locations. You'll need 2 playthroughs and the last level might break you on the hardest difficulty. If you try to run past enemies they'll follow you wherever you go, even if they're packed inside a car and you go inside a building!
• Recommended Posted November 30, 2025 on Steam I came I played I was amused It ended VENDI VEDI GOBBO Chop Goblins is a thoroughly unserious, short, simple distraction from your life. Playing it will likely not inspire you to reconsider your life and go into a career of international politics and solve world hunger, nor will it be an experience you spend the next six months of your life nagging at your brain, demanding to be completed (thanks Death Stranding). That said, it does not need to be a big serious game nor a life changing event. It is a silly bit of fun for an hour, and that is nice. So what exactly is Chop Goblins? It is a simple FPS where you play as some guy who broke into a museum and opened a random chest in the basement. This action unleashes the Chop Goblins on the world, who now are rampaging through society with their knives, chopping things. Cue a short little romp through time where you go about shooting and stabbing a bunch of low-poly goblins in a time-travelling adventure. It may be clear from the above description, Chop Goblins is not the most serious game around. Not only plot wise, but content wise, it comes across as either something an 8 year old would make, or maybe a 30 something adult who has the sense of humour of an 8 year old. The goblins are absurdly proportioned figures with squeaky voices who scream “HEHEHE! CHOP CHOP CHOP!” or “WHERE’S THE CHEESE?” as they chop down apartment buildings or joy ride in cars, all the while Saturday morning cartoon music plays. If you are looking for deep introspection to occur, unless you are a gobbo historian, this is not the game for that. Similarly, the action in game is equally simple. As this came from David Szymanski, the man who made Dusk and a man I clearly have a great online friendship with as he liked a comment of mine on Twitter in 2018 (Hi David!), it is clear the fundamental elements of the game work very well. The shooting is punchy, the movement smooth and the enemies have just enough attacks and variation to seem fun. Unlike Dusk however, Chop Goblins is far more grounded and less built for absurd movement play. There is no absurd strafe jumping or movement, nor is there anything like the Superhot powerup that can make you fly with certain weapons. Instead, everything is kept far more simple with both the movement and weaponry. There are only 4 guns, though each of them are useful. There are only about 7 enemies total, and a couple are unique, gimmick enemies that only appear in one spot, but none are over annoying. It is stripped back, simple and, again, thoroughly grounded. It is grounded because you cannot even jump. This is a joke. Laugh please. Surely something so simple could not hold the attention of folks for too long though? Indeed, it possibly could not. Thankfully, Chop Goblins is, for better or worse, only about an hour long. It does what it needs to, entertains, and then promptly f**ks off. This may seem very brief, but in truth it is exactly how long it needs to be. There could have maybe been one or two more levels with silly time travelling experiments in them, but that would likely demand more weapons and enemies, so rather than draw out the experience any further the game simply ends. The simple, short, low poly nature of Chop Goblins reminds me of a game that would appear on the cover CD to a PS1 magazine. It would have about an hour of play for something that may end up becoming too bloated for its own good, but with the short length, ends up being burned into your memory for years. The world needs more of these demo length, low-fi titles in it. For someone that has very little spare time these days and has not much emotional space for these overwrought dramas, Chop Goblins is a perfectly choppy little title to have a stab at! Obviously if you want something epic, this will be a refund in a digital box, but then again, why are you still reading this? This game will be a waste of time for you. I have nothing more to say on that. So, buy Chop Goblins. Or maybe don’t. It’s cheap, short and fun. This is the end of the review. Go away.
• Recommended Posted April 20, 2026 on Steam Really fun. Reminds me of the fun I had when first playing Serious Sam. Quite short, but it's full enough of stuff to excuse it. Though it would be really nice to see it extended further, using its enemies and design it has thus far, for more dynamics in levels. Still, quite fun. Dumb and silly, and with some cool aesthetics that threw me back to some of the golden custom Quake maps. Replayability is basically "play again, or play it with the guns you already have, with harder enemies". You can also achievement run. So that leaves some space to desiring for more. Would love a Chop Goblins 2.
• Recommended Posted May 5, 2026 on Steam [b]Rating:[/b] ★★★★ - Great [b]Time Played:[/b] 1 hour [b]Difficulty:[/b] Fiend [b]Gameplay:[/b] - This is a "microshooter," a term the developer coined and fully delivers on. Five levels, under an hour, zero filler. It's a design philosophy as much as a game and it works because every encounter feels deliberate rather than padded. - Ammo is intentionally scarce, forcing constant weapon swapping across a flintlock, shotgun, stake gun, and magic wand. The juggling act is more engaging than any single weapon would be alone and keeps you thinking even at Fiend difficulty. - No checkpoints within levels, which at Fiend is genuinely punishing. Dying near the end of a level sends you back to the start, which sounds brutal but works because the levels are short enough that the retry loop never feels like a waste. - Each level introduces a new enemy type with a distinct behaviour. It's a small roster but it's enough for the runtime, and the cyborg goblins in the final level hit differently after everything that came before. - The environmental kills, gas cans, explosive barrels, contextual traps, are where the combat sings. Learning to use the level against the goblins is the skill curve and it's satisfying to master. [b]Story\Dialogue:[/b] - The premise is delivered entirely through level intro screens and it's better for it. You broke into a museum, opened a chest, released goblins with a time machine. That's all you need. - Each level's setting, a city, Transylvania, ancient Greece, the future, gives the story just enough structure to make the time travel feel like escalation rather than randomness. - Dracula shows up and sings. It makes no sense and it's the highlight of the game. The absurdist comedy is pitched perfectly throughout. - The goblins themselves chant random ♥♥♥♥ as they come at you. It sounds like a minor detail but it contributes more to the game's identity than most games achieve with full cutscenes. [b]Graphics\Music:[/b] - The lo-fi Quake-era aesthetic is deliberate and confident. Textures are basic but lighting does the heavy lifting, each level has a distinct colour palette that makes them feel varied. - The goblin character design is immediately iconic. Big heads, wide grin, flailing arms. - The soundtrack opens like a dark carnival crossed with a Saturday morning cartoon and stays in that lane the entire game. It's synth-heavy, bizarrely upbeat, and sets a tempo that makes you move faster than you need to. - Sound effects are punchy and satisfying in the way only retro shooters manage. The stake gun in particular sounds exactly right. [b]Before you Play:[/b] - After you've finished, if you want more, play with Alt Weapons which are vastly different to the original. You can also play alternative versions of the same levels. - The flintlock is useless in close quarters but invaluable for detonating gas cans and barrels from a safe distance. Think of it as a remote trigger rather than a primary weapon. - There are no mid-level checkpoints on any difficulty. If you're near the end of a level and low on health, play conservatively. Dying there is far more costly than it looks.
• Recommended Posted July 3, 2025 on Steam Quite funny and well done, catchy music and smooth gameplay.